Ernestine Banyard puts family over everything

The lifelong Jackson resident’s devotion to her family shows up in daily acts of love while caring for her son, who has cerebral palsy.

Ernestine Banyard is the primary caregiver for her adult son, Andrew, and is the grandmother of the author. Photos courtesy of Aubrea Caldwell

By Aubrea Caldwell

Ever since I was born, my grandmother, Ernestine Banyard, 64-year-old mother of two, has been a huge influence on my life.

She has always been the backbone of our family. She takes pride in caring for my uncle, her son, Andrew, who was born with cerebral palsy—a group of disorders that affect movement and muscle coordination due to damage or abnormal development of the brain. Her unwavering love and resilience have not only shaped his life but also inspired everyone around her—most importantly, me.

Every morning, I hear her same routine. First, her alarm rings at the break of dawn. Then, I hear the sound of her slippers slapping against the cold morning floor as she walks from her room to Andrew’s, waking everyone in the house, including me. She gets him dressed for school using the outfit she carefully picked out the night before. Occasionally, I walk by and catch the sound of them listening to his favorite song, Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” through the door. She balances her everyday chores with taking care of him on a day-to-day basis. The only thing she says she struggles with is age.

“It was easier to take care of him when I was younger and he was smaller, but now that he's gotten bigger and I've gotten older, it has become difficult,” she said.

I remember one particular night when there was a really bad storm, and my uncle’s bed was right beside a window. She took it upon herself to move his entire bed so that he wasn’t near the window. He was scared, so she slept in his room that whole night. Her voice was soft and comforting as she talked to him, even when he didn’t respond, until the storm had finally calmed down—and so had he.

Despite what anyone else thinks, though, my grandmother still reminds me that no matter how anyone views him, to her, he is just her baby boy.

Even though he requires a lot of attention, she still finds ways to balance caring for him and making sure she is enjoying her own life. Her favorite place to go used to be the casino, but I never knew the nights she would leave until I found out her pattern. The way I figured out the nights she did leave, which was rare, was once Andrew was put to bed for the night around 10 p.m. I would see her praying over him, which assured her of his safety for the remainder of the night, allowing her to feel comfortable enough to leave. She did this every time without fail despite me, my mother, and my brother being there to watch over him while she was gone.

During the daytime it’s easier on her because Monday through Friday 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. Andrew goes to REM Mississippi, a school for special needs adults. When he’s there he goes on frequent field trips. When I was younger I wanted to go to the same school as him because he always came home with goodies from whatever event they had or went to.

Despite it being a large part of his life, Andrew is not defined by his disability. He is also one of the silliest people I know. His attitude is the absolute bane of my existence, while being one of the funniest. He has a tendency to say “Uh-uh” to anything I say as if he swears every word that comes from my mouth is a lie. It can be the worst, especially when I'm trying to make an argument, but it also succeeds in cracking me up.

Growing up constantly being around Grandma Ernestine and Uncle Andrew, I never really thought of him as different. I learned quickly that not everyone had the same views as I did. When we would take him out to malls or anywhere publicly he would always get looks from strangers. Not that I believe they were trying to be rude, but I always felt some type of way about it.

Despite what anyone else thinks, though, my grandmother still reminds me that no matter how anyone views him, to her, he is just her baby boy. Even when times get tough dealing with him, she makes it her mission to make his comfort her first priority. Whether that means missing an event she wants to go to or something as moving as sacrificing her own freedom to give him his.

Her devotion is a testament to the power of unconditional love.